Ok so I’ve recently been just kind of fueling a random collection of memories and likes/dislikes into blog posts and I feel like they can be really incoherent and may or may not answer the question entirely but I also feel like it's pretty accurate as to how I feel and my general state of mind. So here is another collection of thoughts that hopefully somewhat describes WHO Sarah Clark is. I already regret writing that last bit in the 3rd person but no time to waste!
I like biking in circles down my newly paved and rarely travelled neighborhood road. I like looking at how perfect the houses seem, and I like that they all look the same from when I was a kid. I like leaving my windows all the way rolled down even if the wind is so strong I have tears in my eyes and it's so loud I can’t hear my music. I like waking up when the sun has already risen, and I like seeing your name on my phone screen when I turn off my alarm. I like reading biographies of people born in Kentucky and then visiting the places they worked at for a year, or spent time at as a teenager. I like smiles coated with sugar and words filled with sincerity. I like phone calls at night not because I like talking to you so much, but because I like it when it's silent, and I know we’re both sitting there and experiencing the same silence and it’s not awkward but it's like there’s this space that we’re both in that is somehow beyond this world. I like to write with parallel sentence structure because it allows all of my thoughts to pour out at once. I like hitting forehands and I like hitting backhands. I like winning. I like beating people who cheat at tennis and I like shaking people’s hands when they’re mad at me and don’t want to. I like getting compliments even if I roll my eyes and tell you to shut up and stop flattering me.
I like looking at old pictures and listening to old songs and reading old texts because it makes me miss you more. I like standardized tests because I like looking at my completed bubble sheet. I like being liked too much and I like getting good grades too much and I like gossiping and other shallow things too much. But I like the sound of your voice when you’re tired, and I like lying behind my elementary school and staring at the sky and wondering if this, if 7 continents and 4 oceans and one sky, if that’s all there is. Because it doesn’t seem like much. But I like this world, and I like my life, and I like the little things that make it my life. When things get tough, I like lying on the ground and watching the clouds move above me and feeling the Earth spin beneath me. When things get tough, I like going into our attic because it's surprisingly empty and eerily quiet and it reminds me of the silence we used to have on our phone calls and it feels like a space apart from this world. When things get tough, I like to close my eyes in that attic and listen to the silence and think about absolutely nothing.
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