Assignment 8 - Elizabeth Moore - The one where I accidentally rambled on about my deepest insecurities :)

Annoyances- condescension (grhhhh I can’t STAND this one), shallowness, people who talk over the teacher to explain something to me when I haven’t asked for help, gossip (even though I’m guilty of it sometimes)

Accomplishments- MUN co-president, planning for Dance Blue is going really well, watching all of friends 4 times through (yes, yes very impressive and also sad), really great relationship with my parents

Confusions- teenagers (AKA I was born a 30 year old and don’t understand my generation), how to make a graph of f and f ’ and f ’’

Sorrows- forgetting to enjoy high school until literally this Friday (joined Ultimate Frisbee), horrible at interaction with other people (or at least I feel like I’m horrible at it), being really awful to my little brother for so many years when we were younger

Dreams- stacked-stone house in a field of wildflowers on a farm (like in the Holiday), big family, a cozy little attic with natural light for painting

Idiosyncrasies- I use a t-shirt folder so they’re all the same size, everything can be intentionally messy but not unintentionally messy, can’t feel comfortable in anything but a baggy sweatshirt and leggings, have to put the tips of my fingers under the ridges of the keys on my computer and the edges of my phone case (I guess it’s a mild OCD thing?)

Risks- precipice trail at Acadia, GSP app. (scared because I didn’t get into GSA and GSP has been part of the plan since I was in the 4^th grade), bungee jumping (want to do), hike entire Appalachian trail (want to do)

Beloved Possessions, Now and Then- Lion King (then), Eno, paints, sweatshirts (now)

Problems- stress, being too serious and responsible for my age (AKA I’m boring)

I live in constant fear of social rejection. If I’m hanging out with a friend or even just talking during some downtime in class and they don’t seem like they’re having fun, I die a little bit inside and feel like a boring, square person with nothing to offer in our friendship. And if I’m feeling tired or if I'm otherwise not up to giving 100% of my energy to a conversation, I feel awful about myself too. Ultimately, I think this is an issue of self-esteem but all I know in the moment - and even retrospectively – is I’m a boring person. I’m all work and no play. I’m not relatable. I’m not funny. I’m too responsible. I guess that’s why so many of my favorite people are above the age of 60. They’re not interested in any of the shallow crap that high schoolers like. They want to talk about real things, life experiences, philosophy, religion; AND they actually listen when I say something, also unlike a lot of high schoolers. Here’s the issue: I don’t want to end up an old maid. I’m terrified that I’m never going to meet someone my age that I really connect with and who will put up with me. What if I coast through life a sad, lonely human being.? I guess I’ll have to wait and see. Gosh I hate not knowing.